


she comes with gifts

by eruriotica (minxiebutt)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Conception, Kissing, Manipulation, Mutism, Other, Overcoming Trauma, Polyamory, Pregnancy, Regression, Sexual exploration, Surrogacy, Trauma, legal selling and owning of the mentally ill, mental illness exploitation, relearning old skills
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2019-09-21 16:56:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17047049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minxiebutt/pseuds/eruriotica
Summary: The caretaker looks confused when Erwin says the name of the one they'd like to see. "Are you sure? She comes with gifts."Erwin finds a partner with the same diagnosis as his closeted husband. Levi always had Erwin watching over him, but Nanaba never had someone willingly take responsibility for her— even her own parents would rather surrender her to a shelter. She has so much to learn.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> another really fucked-up vent fic. [tumblr versions](http://minxiebutt.tumblr.com/tagged/fic%3A-scwg)

She knows that she should be quiet and sit up straight when strangers come around to their habitats to view them. The three other occupants of her nest all do the same, eager for a moment of attention that sometimes becomes a playtime that sometimes means a new home. That’s what they all want, to go home for good. 

She watches with exuberant curiosity as one of their caretakers lifts the latch to beckon her out. This has only happened a few times, and she comes forward meekly, head lowered, paws together on the floor. An encouraging hand scratches behind her ear and she looks up at the face of her caretaker, who smiles at her and indicates toward a waiting couple in the play pin. Her caretaker leads the way, opening the corral to let her meet her new, potential owners. 

One steps forward first, a large man, and he kneels to get a good look at her. Instincts push her to look away, but a firm grip on her chin brings her eyes back to his, a little shocked at first by the blue of his eyes; but his partner’s eyes are muted silver framed with dark hair, a good balance, she thinks. 

Her exhale shudders in a way that she tries to stop, because she’s not afraid, only intimidated, and she doesn’t want to ruin her chances. Above her, she can hear her caretaker speaking, probably disclosing facts about her to inform this couple. She watches them nod and make sounds that seem pleased, every so often looking down to look her over, and it’s the larger man that pulls her in closer so that they can pet her.

The smaller, the silver eyes, is more hesitant than his partner. He pats the top of her head and gives her a smile that almost reads indecisive, and she would think that they’re not interested, if it weren’t for the amount of nodding and smiling the couple trades with her caretaker. 

She goes home with them. 

 -

Erwin stays and plays with the pet until she becomes visibly agitated and her caretaker has to suggest they allow her to rest. For a moment, Levi thinks it might deter his husband from pursuing this one further, but Erwin is eager instead for more details. 

She was surrendered by her parents after her diagnosis. A few families have considered her, because she’s young and cute, but one peek into her file and she’s quietly dismissed from the consideration. But Erwin kisses Levi’s forehead to dispel the hesitation (and Levi won’t admit; jealousy, because adding a new person to their lives feels so close to replacement).

“You have a nice home despite your own shortcomings,” Erwin murmurs in a moment of privacy before the caretaker returns with paperwork for them to sign, a murmured reminder to battle Levi’s blatant hem-and-haw. “Let’s give her one, too, darling. Don’t you think that will be so nice? You’ll have a new housemate that understands the way you think.” 

Levi swallows nervously. Yes, that’s right, he’s married to Erwin, and if Erwin ever wanted to, he could expose Levi, get an annulment, and then Levi would find himself in a shelter very similar to this, if not in this very one. It’s best, he knows, to go along with Erwin. Erwin has no disability— he’s perfect and his judgment comes clear of impediment. 

With a docile kitten grin, Levi acquiesces. “Yes, my love. Whatever makes you happy.”

It earns a proud smile, an I’m-proud-of-you smile. 

 -

Erwin lets her take the first hour to adjust before he starts the housebreaking routine. She follows him around, all curious chirping sounds and gentle fingers exploring her new surroundings; she touches mundane things like light switches or painted walls and hums with a pleasured lilt. She bends and touches each of the rugs, and all the bedding, too. From the corner of his eye, Erwin can see Levi hanging back, his hands in self-disciplined fists. 

Levi cannot be as free as the new adoptee, because he’s still closeted. They’ll take her out in public from now on with a leash and people will politely pretend to ignore all the little odd things she does. But Levi, not him… People know Levi, and they know he’s reclusive and reserved, but they take him as an introvert, not as someone who hides his truest self away from a world that would deny him agency. 

Levi will never out himself, because no matter what repercussions would happen to him, he’s more concerned with making Erwin look bad, and he’ll never make Erwin look bad. 

The new little adoptee has a birth name, however Erwin has the choice to reissue the birth certificate with a name of his choosing, now that she’s in his custody. Levi has his own name, and Erwin thinks it’s not a bad idea to let her keep hers, though her caretaker said she never really answered to it. 

“Nanaba,” he tries now, finding her turning her eyes up to him. Erwin gives her a gentle smile and brings his hand down to cup her cheek. Eagerly, she grasps his wrist and turns her face into his palm, nuzzling around and giving it a shy kitten lick. He rewards that sweetness with a kiss to her neck. 

Behind her, Levi turns away. 

 -

Levi tugs the leash whenever she starts to wander. When she comes back to him with a quirked brow, he offers the best smile he can muster and scratches a small part of her scalp, just enough to show affection but not enough to rough up her icy blonde curls. 

“Careful,” Erwin admonishes where he trails behind them, collecting clothing that Nana seems to like. “You’ll train her to think she must tug the leash to get a reward.”

Levi bites his bottom lip between his teeth and stifles the frustration before it can erupt and exaggerate itself within his mind. It’s a simple fact that he doesn’t understand all this stuff like Erwin does, so of course he won’t get it right without Erwin’s guidance. But part of Levi thinks that he should be the best to train Nana, because they share a small sameness, yet…. He won’t question it. Erwin’s way is the best way to do things. 

Nana flitters away from Levi again, her fingers silent trespassers in the populace of clothing in this department store, and Levi is content to let her look until an agitated store employee clears their throat expectantly. Instead of tugging the leash attached to Nana’s little backpack, Levi quietly calls her name. 

She turns to him and comes, and he hums at her before pushing her bangs back to deliver a chaste kiss to her newly exposed forehead. 

“Look,” he murmurs, pointing to a cashmere sweater. He watches with reservation while Nana’s fingers brush against the material once in caution, pulling her away quickly when her face scrunches in distaste for the feel. Taking her wrist gently so not to startle her, Levi directs her to try out the feel of a jersey knit, finding himself secondhand happy when he has to politely keep her from burying her nose into the fabric with a humming nuzzle. 

 -

Erwin sees the patience in Levi’s gaze when he watches their adoptee doing things that he wishes he could do. Her unfettered emotions, her responses unrefined and raw and real. Nana’s not learned how to hide what she’s feeling or what she wants behind a socially acceptable mask, not like Levi’s been forced to learn.

Bath time, in particular, was a struggle in the first two weeks, until Levi realised that there is no way to talk her out of the panic when she gets soap in her eyes, so he purchased a bath visor to make it easier. The visor was enough to keep her from screeching, but Levi’s need to meticulously clean and detangle her hair meant that she would get bored sitting there, so they purchased some toys for the bathtub, too. 

Now, Erwin watches from the doorway, a stolen moment in passing. Levi is combing conditioner into her curls when he stops and leans down, picking up one of the floating rubber duckies and making it squeak before making it pretend to kiss her. Nana giggles and holds up her hand, asking for it, and when Levi plants it in her palm, she brings both hands to it, making it squeak in rapid repetition.

Her giggles are contagious, and Levi joins her, small thrill in small things. As Erwin watches them, he wonders what the world must be like for them. He knows a small amount of the world through Levi’s eyes from the few times he could pry thoughts out. But times of that vulnerability comes few and far between. Nana’s not learned how to repress herself like Levi. Levi knows how out-of-touch he can be to reality. He knows his daydreams are fantasies that cannot be brought to life; he knows that many of his thoughts are irrational, unreasonable. Nana’s not learned what it means to squeeze herself into the small shape of neurotypical-passing, not like Levi has learned. 

But, Erwin wonders, should she ever? 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> she lost her words, and now she finds them again.

Once Levi starts shaking his head, he finds that he can’t stop until Erwin settles his hand on top of his damp black hair.

“You can’t,” Levi objects, even when Erwin hugs him from behind. Strong forearms loop around his sternum, and Levi raises his hands to hold them. “You know the chances of--”

“I’m not saying right now,” Erwin interrupts. Levi feels himself being turned, and he lets Erwin bring him into a warm, wet embrace. “She turns twenty-one tomorrow, my darling. She’s struck with terrible mutism and regression. We can bring her back up into the world.”

“Yes, but--” Levi groans, frustrated with the sudden lack of words to describe the thoughts that he sees in a swirl of colours and shapes. He breathes twice. Composes. “But, but it’s been so long, it’s going to be hard.”

“We just have to be patient. The caretaker said she was athletically gifted. Our first step,” Erwin lifts the hair from his husband’s shoulder to kiss his neck, “is to find a gymnasium. You have your studio, so let’s find her a gym.”

When they emerge from the shower, Nana is curled up in the center of their bed, enthralled completely with her film despite having watched it daily for a week. Levi will let her watch it however many times she wants, because he’s seen her mouth along to her favourite parts.

He joins her on the bed and she doesn’t pay him any mind until he touches her. Her sense of personal space is twice what anyone might consider average, but with Levi, she has no boundaries. She curls her body into the cocoon of his arms and presses her face into the hot underside of his chin.

“Are you enjoying your movie?” Levi lets his hands find her shoulders and squeeze them until she grunts. Now days, more than ever, he finds himself wanting to hear her voice. He kisses her forehead only to murmur against it, “Please tell me.”

“Yeah,” she whispers breathily into his chest, so quietly at first that he doesn’t think she spoke. But she begins to giggle at him, repeating, “Yeah!”

“Good girl,” he rushes, pulling her deep into his embrace to pet her hair. “Good girl, speaking to me.”

The words are Erwin’s choice and Levi feels a little ingenuine to use them, but Erwin says that they must praise and punish with consistency to keep her on a happy schedule.

-

Speech therapy brings up old words that she trips over; Levi knows that she really like kisses, so he rewards her hardest efforts.

She was surrendered five years ago, and that amount of time spent in regression can’t be undone overnight, but Levi dangles so hopefully on all her stutters and half-formed words.

Erwin’s name comes first, a small disappointment that the blonde kisses away with a sweet consolation, “It’s because you’re always here, my love. You never made it so that she missed you. She doesn’t need to call your name.”

Levi does his best not to pout in the unreasonable jealousy of it. She’ll come around to saying his name, too, he knows, but he wishes it was his that came first. Levi is not clever enough to figure out how to coax her into saying those two syllables, but it seems… he doesn’t have to.

Nanaba comes out from therapy one day with both a proud smile and a “Levi!” on her lips.

“Ooh,” he coos, pulling her close right there in the lobby. Despite the potentially disapproving glances, Levi kisses her right on the mouth twice, petting her hair and filled with giddiness. She’s saying his name quietly, over and over, so he kisses her between each one.

Her words begin to come a little looser, even when they’re wrong. The therapist is astounded by her progress, and Levi does the best he can to encourage the revival of her communication. When Erwin finds a gym to enroll her in for exercise, Levi withdraws into himself at the loss of two hours’ time with her every day, and she begins to go quiet again. Levi watches her shy back from his kisses, a rejection that leaves him stinging and confused. While he has no idea what’s going on in her mind, he wants to know, but she can’t express that and he can’t read her body language the way Erwin reads them. Levi doesn’t know what to do with his frustration, but it’s obvious that pulling away from Nana makes her hurt, too. It’s no good for them to hurt one another this way, and Levi confides his fears to Erwin.

-

“Lee,” is what it sounds like when Nana whimpers, but Levi knows she’s not speaking properly, she’s just making noises. She butts her head into his chest and he wraps his arms around her. Earlier today, the first snow of the winter fell, and in her excitement to experience it again after so much time in the shelter, she’d overdone it. Levi should have dragged her back inside for a short break, but he hadn’t done the right thing, and she’s now falling under the weather. 

On Nana’s other side, Erwin sits up in bed with the novel he’s been reading to them every night. He pets Levi’s head and then trails his hand down to brush the shell of Nana’s ear as he says, “She’s still shivering.”

“I gave her a bath.” Levi swallows, feeling like a bad caretaker. 

“You did wonderful,” Erwin encourages him, bending to plant a kiss in black hair. “We will let her rest in bed until she feels better. She’s simply exhausted.”

“She liked making snowmen,” Levi volunteers, as if giving her happiness will absolve him of bringing her this small misery. Erwin had been at work, so Levi had taken a few photos to show him over dinner. Erwin’s smile was well worth Levi’s own frozen fingertips, but is it worth this little struggle Nanaba is having?

“Don’t worry, love,” Erwin settles the book in his hands and finds his place again. “Lay your head down for sleep now. Rest.”

Levi bites into his bottom lip. He wants to keep vigil over her condition, waiting and watching for improvement, but Erwin’s given him an order, so he curls around her, hoping that to be sandwiched between them will calm her shivers.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know what time it is, it's vent-o-clock *finger guns*


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> she comes up from the depths and into the world, reborn, anew, and tender. (time skip after the flashback)

This obstacle course is so much bigger than the one at the shelter. It makes her feel free. She bounds her way around; on two legs, on all fours, hands and feet, jumping, pulling herself up-- she flies. Levi collects her afterward everyday for lunch.

“It’s lentil soup, your favourite,” Levi says. He sits at the table facing her, spoon in hand. “Can you feed yourself?”

Cautiously, Nana looks at the utensil sitting beside her bowl. She hates when it’s fork and knife, but this is a spoon sitting here. She can handle a spoon. Carefully, she picks it up. Spoons are good. Spoons scoop up food. Spoons are easy.

It still takes focus and effort to handle it so that the soup ends up in her mouth. Across from her, Levi keeps pace. She wonders if he’s going slow because the last time she fed herself, he finished so much more quickly than she did, and she’d been frustrated by that. They used to feed her, but Erwin has decided that she was a big girl, and big girls can use spoons and forks and knives. That wasn’t so bad, because she can help out with cooking now. Sometimes she gets tasked with stirring things with one of the big wooden spoons, other times, Erwin gives her the spatula and lets her flip things over. But of all the help she can give, she dislikes using the tongs, so she’s glad that she doesn’t have to use those very often.

“More, please?” she asks when she sees the bottom of her bowl. 

“Finish your glass of water, and don’t spill.” Levi stands and takes her bowl to get her a second helping while she carefully brings the glass to her mouth so that she can drink. 

“I did!” she calls when she successfully sets down the emptied article. “Look!”

“Very good,” Levi praises as he sits opposite her again, setting the bowl on the table and pushing it over in front of her. “Here you are, Nana.”

“Thank you,” she replies, because she knows that’s the polite thing to say. Levi always tells her that she needs to say her pleases and thank yous. He tells her a lot of other things, like not to wave her hands around too much when they’re in public. Other people don’t so it, but maybe they should, she thinks. If all those other people knew how good it feels to flap when being in public gets frustrating, then surely they wouldn’t look at her the way they do. She only stops if Levi asks her. Erwin never asks.

-

_ “Get your boy” becomes a phrase that Erwin expects whenever he comes around. No one else calms that brand of illogical violence. People stopped trying after Kuchel died and Kenny moved in. _

_ Levi is Erwin’s own age, but he’s like a child caught in a tantrum sometimes. Pointless destruction. A run-away phase not outgrown. _

_ “Somebody ought to get that boy evaluated,” Erwin hears all too often, malicious well-wishes because they think Erwin shouldn’t saddle himself with someone like that. He grits his teeth through a smile and gives reassurances that Levi was evaluated as a child, and the lie doesn’t burn his conscience.  _

_ “You’re gonna knock this off, Levi,” Erwin says in greeting. He’s been driving around all day just to find Levi sitting on his dad’s front porch, picking at raw skin and humming a song. “You hear me? You’re gonna get diagnosed and thrown in a shelter.” _

_ “They’d feed me, right?” Levi doesn’t look up. They haven’t seen each other in a little over a week, but they’re not the kind of pair to greet with sweet words and kisses.  _

_ “Fuck,” Erwin sighs quietly. Levi doesn’t care to comprehend how serious the situation is beginning to look. Levi never really knows how much danger he’s in, not even when he’s in the thick of it. Levi didn’t even realise he was about to die when one night, he cut the tender insides of his thighs to release his stress and went too deep. Even when Erwin called the ambulance, Levi wasn’t really aware of the danger. It’s always been that way with him. There was a time at elementary school years ago, when there was a fire, and Levi had dawdled through the halls looking for the flame instead of evacuating. Reluctantly, Erwin answers, “Yes. They’d feed you.” _

_ “Then what’s so bad?”  _

_ Erwin stomps forward and rips Levi’s arm away from his picking, straightening the limb to get a good look at the clawed out canyons. “What got to you this time?” _

_ “I told your dad it was a dog.” _

_ “Dad knows you hurt yourself on purpose.” _

_ At that, Levi visibly deflates and turns his face to hide in his shoulder, though Erwin can still see the profile. He’s not in the mood to humour this tonight. He just wants to get Levi in bed and asleep so that he can figure out the future for them. He’s not going to let the noirette slip out of his grasp, not when Levi’s compliance is an easily manipulated thing, not when Levi can be shaped however Erwin desires. “Get inside.” _

-

Nana comes into herself after a year. Like wielding a pry bar, they’ve pushed back the regression and brought out who she is. She’s been hiding her heart inside a cabinet in the back of her mind, and Erwin coaxes her to open it up and embrace it again. 

She’s a lot more like Levi than he realised at first. She’s reserved and reclusive and  _ secretive _ to the point of dishonest. Stress builds within her to the point where she needs intervention to keep from harming herself or worse. Tonight, she is anxious. He can tell by the way she flaps her hands then tries to hide it.

Erwin’s bringing out who she truly is, but he thinks that maybe, she doesn’t want to embrace it. 

“Twenty-two already,” Erwin says on the eve of her birthday. “What a big girl you’ve become.”

“It feels like I was just sixteen,” she murmurs after a moment’s delay. She does that often, takes a moment or two or twenty to reply-- more often than not, she has to ask Erwin to repeat himself because she didn’t hear him, even when they were just in the middle of a conversation. Levi talks in the same way. He’ll just drop out mid-sentence, and won’t come back for several minutes, and then he’ll finish his thought just like nothing happened.

“It’s a fog,” Erwin supplies. They’ve talked about it, the way Nana looks back on her years at the shelter. He opens his arm and she falls into the sofa beside him, first leaning heavy into his ribs, then when she finds it lacks the intimacy she seeks, she lays her upper body in his lap. Erwin brings one hand to rest on her hip, the other introducing itself to her hair. He scritches the scalp and then pets her. “What would you like for your birthday, little one?”

Nana hums, leaning her head back into his touch. Eyes closed, she thinks for a while, savouring the petting. When she finally opens her mouth and speaks, she’s raced way ahead down the train tracks of her thoughts without him. “That’s all, but the store is far,” she says confidently.

Erwin has to backtrack her through to learn that she wants a special kind of cooking skillet.

He lets her slip back into the bullet train of her thoughts and continues running his hand through her hair to relieve some of her negative feelings. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> she embodies the truth: healing is not linear. not all injuries can be soothed by the kisses that she likes.

Levi kisses Nana on the mouth without even needing to ask, but Erwin usually only presses his lips into her skin, so when Erwin lays affections on her after dinner, she’s startled at first. 

Nana’s in the middle of washing dishes when Erwin’s hands come to her hips, spanning, and when she tips her chin up to accept the expected forehead kiss, he claims her mouth instead. She’s caught off guard and freezes. This isn’t part of the routine. Every night that she’s washing dishes, Erwin comes and she presents her forehead for his kiss— he never, ever does this. But underlying the sense of displacement is a giddy curiosity as to  _ why _ Erwin is changing their ritual. 

When he pulls back, she opens her eyes to find him watching her. 

She hums her curious hum to him and Erwin gives her a gentle smile, telling her that he loves her. 

“Love you, too,” she responds, back on their routine now. When she finishes her chores in the kitchen, she passes through the living room and finds Erwin in the armchair beside the bookshelves, a small lamp turned on for him to read a heavy-looking hardcover. She invites herself into his hold, and he opens his arms for her, raising his book to continue reading as she situated herself in his lap. Eventually, she settles down, leaning her head on his shoulder and pressing her eyes into the pulsing side of his neck to block out the light. She squirms every few moments, not truly comfortable, and when Erwin has had enough, his free hand cups the back of her head to still her and he whispers, “Say what is on your mind.”

“I liked it,” she blurts, then tucks her chin against her chest in mild embarrassment. Before she can orchestrate her thoughts into a cohesive confession, Erwin proves that he understands her. 

“I’m glad you liked the kiss.” At the sound of the book closing, Nana raises up from her hiding spot and basks in the loving gaze of blue. 

“Can I have another?” She asks, because she knows she doesn’t have to be afraid of her desires. Her men know her. 

“As many as you want,” Erwin promises, a tiny breadth away from giving. 

-

One reason Erwin wanted a closed adoption from the shelter was the unknown response to unwanted stimuli. Like all disasters, it happens unexpectedly, blindsiding him and Levi as they grocery shop with Nana. One moment, she’s picking out the best looking carrots, and the next, she’s frozen, staring into the crowd. Erwin can see a woman of obvious familial relation staring right back, and his worst fears are confirmed with the way his little one murmurs, “Mama?”

The woman has only traces of the same blonde hair as Nana, time having overtaken the majority of it with white. But the stature is similar, the way the woman draws her spine straight when she realises she’s looking at her own daughter, it’s too reminiscent of Nana discovering a texture or taste that she doesn’t like. Perhaps, Erwin thinks, watching the woman turn away from the gentle plea, this tastes bitter and feels bad to her. When Nanaba finds things that she doesn’t like, she, too, turns away.

Erwin watches the way she looks now as he steps between her and her former mother, her brows drawn together, the slow creeping understanding coming over her. He cups her jaw and forces her eyes to his. There’s so much confusion therein, old hurt bleeding new blood. The second rejection is a spiked thing tearing through her brain, he can read it in the watering of her eyes and the quiver of her lip. “Who am I?” Erwin asks her, searching through her brain and body language for the moment the bullet train of her anxiety rushes out from the station, down a long path and into a dangerous landscape. They’ve not yet prepared for this, not yet built that section of the tracks. Nothing good awaits her at the route’s end. 

Nana’s throat works in an aborted answer, all that comes out is a bitten, choked up whine. 

Levi quietly meets her hands with his before she drops the carrots. Erwin watches as he takes them from her and puts them in their cart. All Erwin must do is nod in the direction of the check out, and Levi ducks his chin to his chest in obedient understanding. 

“Who am I?” Erwin asks Nana again, and again she flounders, looking away from him, looking down past him and around like she doesn’t know what she’s looking for. 

She’s not going to answer. Pulling her along by her hand, Erwin leads her out of the grocery store and into cool morning air. Around them, the crowd prepares for their snowblown Saturdays. Breakfast shops open like the staggered dripping of icicles while bicyclists chirp at sleepy pedestrians who wander onto the marked pavement. Around them, the world awakens with hopefulness, but as Erwin watches, Nana’s world comes to a crashing, crumbling end, all over again.

-

“Her paperwork says her parents left the region after they surrendered her,” Erwin explains. Levi stirs the pot on the stove. Nana’s a deadweight in their bed, dead to the world, numb and exhausted from her tantrum in the street. Erwin had needed to physically restrain her to keep her from clawing at herself in the stress of being rejected by her own mother for a second time. She’s cried all day, only just running out of tears in the last hour or two.

“Then why did this happen?” Levi rises onto his tiptoes and peeks into the pot before coming back down onto flat feet. The two of them have had their dinner and he is making a late night exception to feed Nana her favourite. They started talking quietly while Levi chopped onions, carrots, and garlic, and now with everything in the pot and almost ready, they’re only now getting to the point. 

“I don’t know, darling,” Erwin confesses. “This obviously was a coincidental meeting. If it had been purposeful, we could press charges, but we cannot.”

“We have to find a new grocery store,” Levi sulks quietly. “She won’t want to go there again.”

Erwin agrees. Maybe after some time, she’ll be okay with going there again, but for right now, they’ll need to shop elsewhere, preferably somewhere known. She won’t tolerate unknown places, because the unknown are unsafe. 

Levi reaches up into a cabinet to take a bowl down and scoops a serving of lentil soup into it, saying, “Go get her while this cools.”

Erwin finds her exactly where he left her two hours ago. Her eyes track him. No sooner than he’s sat on the edge of the bed is she scrabbling out from beneath the covers and forcing herself into his lap. Her heavy wool sweater, normally a mid thigh garment, is riding up and showing Erwin the rose print of her undies as she straddles his thighs. 

She tastes like salty grief, morning breath, and snot when she presses her mouth clumsily against his. Erwin doesn’t mind, wants to encourage her to seek and claim his comfort, so he opens for her, licks into her as his hands seal themselves against her hips. 

Erwin can read her intent in the urgency of her blood, and when her shy hands finally try to travel below his clothing, he gently brings them to pause. They’ve bathed together and slept together without boundaries, but not this, not yet.

“Nanaba,” he coos. She hasn’t spoken since it happened. He needs to know that she can speak if they’re going to continue because if she can’t, then this will do harm that even he can’t easily reshape. He doesn’t want her like this, helpless and hiding in the back of her mind.

She only hums at him, no matter what he says to coax out her words, she only responds with sounds. Erwin picks her up under her arms and carries her down to have dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how far will she fall back into regression?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> she discovers that some kisses are worth waiting for.

Levi scratches his frustrations into the back of his neck until a rash forms, and after trimming his nails right down to the quick, he applies a medicated bandage over the spot. Despite the warmth of spring, he wears turtleneck sweaters to hide the bandage, but Erwin stands over a head taller than him, he can see the evidence easily just by looking down. 

“It’s okay,” Erwin promises him, tugging the wool down so that he can kiss the proof. The heat of his exhale on Levi’s sensitive nape births a shiver. 

“It’s not okay.” Levi collects up his materials. He’s only ever in his studio after dark, and to see it in the daylight feels a little surreal. “It’s not okay Erwin, she doesn’t even talk anymore.”

“But she  _ understands, _ my love.” As much as Erwin tries to hold onto Levi, the noirette slips out of his grasp. “Levi, we haven’t lost her completely.”

“Erwin,” Levi sighs out, one long sound. “I…”

“It’s alright--” Erwin tries yet again to soothe, but Levi’s face twists into a snarl and the jar of brushes he was in the process of putting back on their shelf shatter against the floor.

“IT IS NOT ALRIGHT!” He screams, high pitched voice breaking on the vowels. The little show of anger has no effect on Erwin. He doesn’t even flinch. As if it hadn’t happened at all, Erwin steps over the broken glass to follow Levi to the door where Levi stops suddenly because the shattering of glass has brought curious curly hair peeking in.

“I’m sorry,” Levi barely chokes out, pushing past her and vanishing from sight. Nana turns to go, too, but Erwin catches her shoulder.

She looks up at him with question, and Erwin tells her gently, “Give him some space.”

Everything he ever needs to read off her, he can read in her face and her eyes and her body. She is an open book, an unguarded prison. Hurt is the brightest feature, shadowed by desire and longing. For a moment, she turns to look at the corridor Levi rushed down, and he sees her shoulders slump the slightest bit before she relaxes into his hold. When he leads her out of the studio, she goes willingly beside him.

She’s been chasing Levi, been longing for him to let her seek her comfort in him. 

Nana is not lost, but Levi’s frustration makes it that much more difficult for her to find her way back to herself in the hurricane. Until Levi is ready to let himself become as much of her anchor as Erwin, then Erwin will be heavy enough for her.

 

Erwin joins her in the bathtub. She doesn’t move to make room for him, instead watching with only her nose and eyes above the line of the water, her head resting on the edge of the porcelain. As soon as he has settled in opposite her, she invites herself between his legs, chest to chest, nuzzling the underside of his jaw with small, whimpery noises. 

“Kiss?”

She nods. 

“Ask for it, darling.”

Erwin tilts his head down to watch her pull her bottom lip between her teeth. Her eyes flash up to meet his before darting down to his mouth, which she raises one pruny finger to tap. 

“Use your words,” Erwin clarifies, letting his tongue tickle the begging fingertip. Nana whimpers in opposition. “You have to ask me with words, little one.”

Her throat works and she breathes out the ghost of, “Kiss.”

Taking a hold of the back of her head in his large hand, Erwin rewards her by lavishing them onto her, keeping his eyes on her even when her own slide closed with contentment. Carefully, her hands come between them, spearing themselves through his chest hair in repetitive, self-soothing motions. The stampede of his chase kisses comes to a staggered stop, and when she opens her eyes again, she smiles at him. 

“Good girl.” Erwin rests forehead to forehead. 

“Kiss,” she says, a little bit stronger, breath caught on consonants. He slips his tongue between the seam of her lips. She asks again once, twice, thrice, every request fulfilled, until her plea is spoken clearly. 

 

_ It used to confuse Erwin, back when they were younger and he didn’t realise that Levi’s life was so affected by the thing he kept secret. Back when Erwin thought it was unfair that a diagnosis meant loss of personhood. Back before Erwin spent enough time in the real, everyday world to understand how dangerous mental illness could be.  _

_ It used to confuse Erwin that Levi would act as if they were distant acquaintances but would say that he loved him. Levi wouldn’t contact him for two weeks and then say how much he was thinking of Erwin.  _

_ It confused Erwin until he took the time and effort to actually learn Levi, to learn to read Levi and to read all of Levi’s tells. ‘Actions speak louder than words’ carries an asterisk in Erwin’s mind. Levi’s words are worth the most, when he only acts the socially acceptable part.  _

 

After the dishes are all washed, Levi finds them in the bathtub together. Whispered words to his ear, a soft lecture on the importance of strong bonds, push Levi to kneel at the side of the tub, resting his chin on the rim. Nana’s paused in her begging for kisses with Levi in her proximity, her focus and desire pinpointing in sharply on him.

“Can I kiss?” He asks simply. She raises herself from Erwin’s chest to lean over and meet him, claiming his offering like he  _ owes _ it to her. 

No sooner than his lips leave hers do Erwin’s take their place on her mouth. A thrill shoots down through Levi at the sight, at feeling two pairs of breath mingle with his own, and he wants to act impulsively on it and push into it as well, but his instinct is battered down by the learned appropriate response. Erwin trades Nana’s kiss for Levi’s and she shakily exhales.

Yet, she proves how alike they can sometimes be.

Levi pulls back and then Nana takes his place in Erwin’s mouth, licking his front teeth and the inside of his top lip before turning and doing the same on Levi in one fluid motion. Levi looks to Erwin for what to do, and when he sees a brightness in his husband’s eyes, Levi waits patiently for Erwin to beckon him forward with a large hand on the back of his head. 

Erwin brings the three of them together and Nana is a wild, untamed, untrained thing in her excitement. The giggles that start in her throat infect Levi, and the two of them trade off pecking Erwin between pecking one another, before they open their mouths to Erwin’s insistent, possessive kisses. Levi can’t help but moan as Erwin kisses the both of them at once, one messy, breathless exchange that has three hearts pumping in time.

Levi had both wanted them at this point, and had dreaded it as well. From a distance, he thought he would feel insecure and jealous but that is not the case now, because he loves them both, and they both love him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> she's a so very good, very brave girl.

It is painstaking, the way they slowly carve into the belly of a new routine. Nana is both herself and yet not. The ordeal of the last two months has left a dent, it’s changed the way things roll off her shoulders now, changed the shape of her that Erwin can see. It’s almost as if she has gained a figurative limp in her stride through life.

With Levi coming back around, though, Erwin can see the crutch forming. Nana almost refuses to be separated from Levi unless Erwin is there, and if Levi dislikes having her attached to his hip, then he does a terrible job of showing it. Because for as much as Nana clutches onto him with talons, Levi turns back and lodges his own hooks just as deep. She emerges from her mutism like the sunlight breaking on a flat horizon and within two weeks, they echolalia back and forth until their speech patterns sync up perfectly again. The two of them are an adhesive turned inward.

Erwin brings forth hands. Nana seeks her comfort from Levi and her pleasure from Erwin. There is a small distinction, a very fine line listing the differences between the two. Her comfort comes in kisses and skin-on-skin tight embraces. Her pleasure frots and drips spit.

If she comes to Erwin for the former, it becomes the later within time, especially if Levi is there. Some days, like today, Erwin finds them in bed when he comes home, and they’ve been making it easy work to condition them.

“Hello, my little ones,” Erwin greets warmly. Levi’s dark hair and naked shoulder peek out from the blanket, Nana’s curls indicating that she’s got her face smushed into his armpit. 

“Erwin,” Levi sleepily sighs. He lifts his head the barest bit. “Already?”

“Did you fall asleep?”

Levi nods and then lets his head fall back onto the pillow. Belatedly, their girl shifts too, her blue eyes opening and finding Erwin immediately. 

“Make room, darlings,” he coos as he undresses himself. Blazer, vest, button down. Erwin notices the way the two sets of eyes watch with great intrigue as his fingers undo his belt, and then he’s slipping out of his trousers and joining them. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Erwin opens his arms as his two come to him, one on each side to pull in against his ribs. “How was your day?”

“Good,” Levi replies, still sleepy. Nana chirps. She can’t speak so soon after waking. As Levi retells their daily adventure, Erwin presses a kiss into each crown once and then twice, and when he goes for a third, Nana raises her chin and tilts her lips toward him. Watching one another, he delivers an innocent kiss that makes her purr and tuck herself even closer. Today, they went on a walk through the park, and without any leashes. Her self-control is still where it was before her mother interrupted her life. 

“Do we want to go on another walk later tonight?” Erwin asks them, met with nods. 

 

By the next week, Nana follows to  _ that _ grocery store with her hand held firmly in Erwin’s grasp. Her chest feels like it is full of insects trying to get out, and she wants to run away from here and hide under a blanket, but more than that, she wants Erwin to pet her hair and tell her that she’s a good girl. 

She can be brave. She’s a big girl, but as soon as the automatic doors slide open, she whines and pushes her face into Erwin’s shoulder. Blindly, she follows him out of the flow of traffic, and when she lifts her head, they’re standing several feet away, tucked in the corner. Nana keeps expecting to see  _ that face _ in the crowd at any moment, but it doesn’t come. 

“Little one,” Erwin croons. He doesn’t lift her face or make her look at him, so she volunteers. “Do you want to hold my arm?”

Right now, she’s forgotten how to move her mouth to say the word  _ yes, _ but she thinks Erwin can read the word in her eyes. She wraps one of her arms around his so that her hand can cradle his elbow, her thumb finding a jutting little bone and rubbing at it repeatedly in a motion that calms her just a little. 

“Here we go.” Erwin walks them a few steps and then grabs a basket, which he passes to her. She takes the handles in her free hand. “Good girl. This won’t take long.”

He explains which things they must get, which parts of the store they have to travel through. Nana lowers her head, watching their feet as they walk, and presses the side of her face into the arm she holds. They make it through their whole shopping trip like that, and then he lets her bag their purchases because he knows how much she likes doing out. 

Outside again, she finally lifts her head. He leans in and kisses her forehead he tells her that she’s so very good. 

  
  


In the middle of the night, fingers spear through Levi’s hair, bringing him up from sleep. His first swimming thought is that Erwin wants to fuck, because in the last year and a half, they’ve gotten good at finding quiet times less apt for interruption. Someone whimpers high in their throat, such quiet sounds, and then he realises it’s Nana rousing him. Another moment, and then Erwin’s, “yes, little one” alerts Levi that both partners are awake.

“There,” Erwin coos as lips meet Levi’s own, and he takes Nana’s kiss without hesitation, one hand finding her neck and sliding upward so that he can cup her cheek. She mirrors the motion on him. In the warmth of their cocoon of bedding, her other hand snakes down along his belly and presses against his cock. He’s hard.

He’s never been hard around her, not like this. Never did he ever think he would find himself rutting up into her touch, his mouth falling open around her kiss and a heavy desire for more pumping through his veins. 

Levi opens his eyes for the first time and in the dim room, he finds Erwin first, sitting up and watching. His eyes shift to Nana and she’s watching him with a small, secret smile on her lips, her body stretched out alongside his. 

“Does it feel good?” Erwin rumbles. 

The question isn’t directed at simply one of them, and they answer in unison, two very pleased-sounding hums before Nana takes to putting her tongue into Levi’s mouth in sloppy, spit-drenched kisses. 

“Don’t stop if you don’t want to,” Erwin urges them, gentle coercion to follow their bodily desires. “I want to watch you feel good, my loves.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> since this is my vent fic.......
> 
> food service job: we want to hire you under the condition that you are extremely loyal and would literally die for us, spending more time on the clock than anything else in your life, working through communicable disease and exhaustion
> 
> also food service job: we can't pay more than minimum wage tho :/


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> she forms an opinion on something that levi very badly desires.

As a married couple, Erwin and Levi are stringently divorced from the types of social settings where too many diagnosed are present. They do however share an amicable relationship with the family events at Erwin’s work. Levi enjoys these events, though they exhaust after a couple hours, too much emotional labour interwoven with too much sensory stimulus, and with Nana there they have her as an excuse to leave before Levi gets close to his limit. 

Nana occupies herself with a movie while Erwin waits for Levi to finish getting dressed. 

“I already told her to expect you to act differently,” he says to Levi, watching the way fingers falter on the buttons of a dark blue dress shirt. 

Levi nods. Behaviour safely hidden in the privacy of their home has always been different than in public. Nana is used to Levi shifting yet she still adjusts poorly. “How did she respond?” 

“She didn’t like it.” Erwin closes the distance with a silver tie for Levi, looping it around his neck and tucking it safely under the collar of his buttondown. As he begins the loops for a Windsor knot, Erwin explains, “I know you’ve been mindful not to mirror her so much, but I’ve noticed you slipping, darling. We will not be there for the entire event, so put forth your best effort. Comfort her when she needs it, of course, but keep tight control over yourself. Last time we went out, you were barely passable. You’ll need to act better than that tonight, alright?”

Levi slides his eyes away with his nod. 

“Good.” After helping Levi into his blazer, Erwin leans in and kisses his small husband’s forehead before turning toward their bedroom door. 

“I won’t disappoint you,” Levi promises, like a desperate afterthought when Erwin begins to walk away. 

He holds out his hand and Levi is quick to take it, twining their fingers as Erwin pulls him all the way in to kiss his cheek and deliver a threatening, “I know you won’t,” to his ear. 

 

The event goes as expected. Levi blends in with the other wives while Nana finds a quieter corner where few people have congregated. Erwin is not as stationary as his two little ones, but he keeps an eye on them no matter where he moves to. 

After forty-five minutes and several declined attempts at conversation, Nana leaves her perch in a moment that Erwin is occupied. She appears at his side instantly, demandingly, looping both of her arms around one of his and pressing her face into his shoulder blade. She has on her leashed backpack, a requirement for any diagnosed when out in public, and Erwin can see the eyes of the accountant he’s speaking to continuously bouncing over to the accessory. 

“Have you met my Nanaba?” Erwin interrupts the accountant’s stumbling train of thought by twisting and taking his little one’s shoulders so that she can be properly introduced. Ordinarily, Erwin should be presenting her to his coworker, but he’s not feeling that tonight, instead saying, “Nanaba, this is Jeremy. Say hello, my love.”

She nods her head and, looking down, sticks one hand out awkwardly which the accountant takes and shakes once before stammering out an excuse to get away. 

“Are you ready to leave?” Erwin asks when it’s just the two of them again. He leads them over toward Levi, who’s holding someone’s newborn and looking so natural as he rocks from side to side while chatting. They stop short, watching Levi while he’s unaware. 

Nanaba shakes her head. She’s watching Levi closely, clearly forming her opinion about what he’s doing. Erwin lets her hold his arm and watch, watch, watch.

 

Levi holds babies to his heart’s content, and when it’s time to leave, he tries not to let his disappointment swallow him whole, but it happens anyway. Wrapped around Erwin, Nana is starting to get agitated, and though this is the best Levi’s ever felt at a family event, he doesn’t even bother asking to stay longer. There’s no point in torturing himself.

But he tortures himself on the whole ride home, rethinking up an old conversation, the shower with Erwin on the eve of Nana’s twenty-first birthday. The odds of passing on botched genetics is too ricky. He shouldn’t bring it back up. He can’t.

Levi sits in the backseat of the vehicle and lets her rest her head on his lap for the whole drive home. She looks so cute tonight, in a soft pink jumper, bright floral dress, white tights, and ballet shoes. Helping her into the house, Levi tells her how sweet she looks and she giggles before kissing his neck. She makes a chirping sound in her throat as Levi turns away from her and toward his studio, but then there’s Erwin with an arm around her shoulders, guiding her to the bedroom to get changed instead. 

He shares a look with his husband that makes his gut clench, and he turns away from his destination.

He’s not sure how it happens, but he follows them and they end up in bed altogether, their dressy clothes puddling on the floor. Erwin sits in the edge of the bed, accommodating Nana as she crawls up into his lap and loops her lanky arms around his neck, all the while nosing at his throat in long, rhythmic strokes. One of his large hands comes to cradle the back of her head, and that image stirs something in Levi. He leans in and kisses Nanaba on the mouth, her sealed lips beneath his open ones. 

When Levi pulls back, she’s watching him through barely opened eyes, continuing her nuzzling at Erwin’s throat, her breath catching in quiet moans. 

“What do you want, little one?” Erwin asks, addressing Nana with a question spoken into her curls. 

“Feel good,” she whispers back. Her hands ball into fists and then fall slack, and Levi guides them to rest around his neck like a collar. “Feel good and kiss.”

“What else?” Using the hand on the back of her head, Erwin maneuvers her mouth up for the taking without giving her time to answer. Levi scoots in behind his husband, pressing his front against a strong back, and mouths at Erwin’s shoulder, close to their kiss but still uninvited. 

More and more nights take this shape, morphing beneath the unison of mouths and hands and panting. The beast grows stronger between them when Erwin takes one of Levi’s hands and guides it between hot thighs, forcing his fingers past the fuzzy smattering of hair and into a foreign, wet heat. Levi pushes his forehead into Erwin’s shoulder in the explosion of desire that pulses through him, and he hears Nana break their kiss with a loud gasp. 

The sensation of her is strange, warmly squeezing soft tissue, heartbeat pulsing and  _ strange.  _ Strange things need to be understood, and for that they must be explored. 

“More,” she whimpers, tucking her chin over Erwin’s shoulder and breathing hotly into Levi’s hair. “More, please…”

Levi raises up to give her a spitty kiss and instead of taking it passively, she dives down into him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey just a heads up......
> 
>  
> 
> .....levi will get what he wants eventually.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> she makes a decision, prioritising another above herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh no. check the new tags before reading...

She can’t bring herself to speak, but she knows that Erwin understands, so she presses her nose into his collarbone and tightens her arms around his neck. The pulse of their joined bodies soothes her, the sweat they share cools her, and she can let herself drift in the mix of sensation it brings.

Nanaba gives him her small sounds and lets him kiss her whenever he wants, and when they’re done, she lays still so that he can clean her up. Feeling the cool washcloth between her legs is overwhelming and she whines just a little bit, because a few minutes ago that part of her was filled with so much heat. Even now, it’s hot, unsated— she lets Erwin slip fingers in and answers with a gasp.

His ministrations feed her an explosion of pleasure and she lets the bedsheets swallow her whole.

They’re doing this for babies. She’s looked at the books with Erwin and Levi, spent time babysitting to let her see if she had interest, and they’ve agreed on this. It’s been nothing yet and she thinks it feels different this time, and not just because of the clomiphene Erwin put in front of her at breakfast every morning last week. Two weeks ago, their doctor took the inhibitor bars out of her ovaries and if she doesn’t get pregnant, then she’ll have her first period in over six years. Nana can hardly remember what they’re like, she only knows she does not want it to come.

“Do you feel alright, little one?” Erwin comes and sits beside her, carefully aiding hands helping lift her head into his lap. He’s dressed again but she can’t bring herself to get up. Not yet. She lets herself be lifted and then, shy and uncertain, she curls around him.

“Hold me,” Nana whispers.

 

The first four times Erwin goes to Nana, Levi takes a long walk and when he comes home, he goes into his studio until morning. There is no lack of love or affection given to him, but he makes himself feel a storm of rejection with his negative thoughts. None of those thoughts are worth it, though. It’s not like Erwin could have ever gotten him pregnant, and why is Levi even upset when he gets to be a father? He should be thanking Erwin for doing this; he should be thanking Nana for agreeing to the physical sacrifices of motherhood. And instead, he’s pulling into himself and isolating because the two people he loves are fucking. It takes him a few days of turning the thoughts over and over again to realise that he feels left out.

Levi boils in his rejection until Erwin tells him to stay one night, stay and sit outside the bedroom door with it cracked and watch. And Levi agrees to, because once Nana’s chance of fertility was restored, he’d been barred from sexual encounters. It’s risky enough having her eggs, if Levi’s sperm were to make the match, they could never hope to have an undiagnosed child. Levi can still cuddle and kiss her, can honestly do anything that doesn’t involve his penis, but in his mind, the barring means an absolute _no_.

After they shower, Levi with Erwin and Nana by herself, Levi puts on his sleep shirt and goes to sit in the hallway. At first, he stays away from the cracked door, even though the sounds drifting through are enticing. After a little bit, he finds himself crawling near, just to peek, and then he’s lost. He can’t look away.

Levi rarely masturbates, but what he sees makes him want to. He thinks about how it feels when his fingers are inside her and very lightly, he presses his palm against himself beneath the boxers. At the same time, Nana lets out of small noise like a moan, and Levi bites his bottom lip, pressing a little harder. His arousal is satisfied by those two touches, and he spends the rest of their fuck simply watching and appreciating.

He hears Erwin call his name quietly, so Levi enters the bedroom on silent tiptoes.

Nana lays on the bed, little spoon, and Levi sandwiches her into Erwin, who smiles down at him and says, “According to the ovulation tests, if it’s going to happen then this will be the night she gets pregnant.”

Levi looks at Nana and she looks back at him, her expression calm and content and sleepy. One of Levi’s hands slide down her side and settle against her lower abdomen, right above the pubic bone. In his mind, he can visualise the ripe egg, waiting to be fertilised when the sperm reach it in a few hours. He thinks about all the footage of conception, the amazing and difficult feat a blastocyst must endure just to implant in the uterus, how hard it must work to attempt life. If the egg is fertilised, then in four days, it’ll make a home in Nana, and a week after that, they might know. In eleven days, they might see the first evidence on a stick.

“You can do it, precious baby,” Erwin murmurs, his hand coming to cover Levi’s. Nana’s eyes slip closed. “Right, darling?”

“Yeah.” Levi kisses Nana’s forehead. She hums but doesn’t speak, doesn’t open her eyes. He focuses on that visual of the blastocyst again, sending his hope down to his fingertips as if that will make all the difference. “You can do it. Grow big.”

They share a few moments of hopeful silence before Nana wiggles her hand between theirs. “We want you,” she adds, her voice heavy with sleep. “We want you so much.”

 

“Don’t get her hopes up too soon,” Erwin cautions. He stopped by the drugstore on his way home from work first to get tampons and pads, because he even though he’s hopeful, he’s realistic. Few healthy couples get lucky on the first cycle. But he’s hopeful, so he also purchased a box of the ultra-sensitive home tests, the ones that advertise positive results up to one week before a missed period, which Nana should be at now.

“Can she take one in the morning?” Levi asks, scooting closer to his husband.

“If she wants,” Erwin agrees. He wants her to, as well. But ultimately, it needs to be her choice. Levi may want this more than he wants anything else, but Erwin cannot let him push. The situation is delicate, and Erwin needs to remain in charge should damage control need to be done. Mentally, he prepares himself for that.

 

Nanaba blushes heavily, but Levi doesn’t seem disgusted at all by her pee. He sets the cup on the counter and dips the receptive little stick, then pours out the liquid in the sink and washes his hands. Nana flushes the toilet and does the same, watching the test sitting on the napkin the whole time. She can see liquid move over the screen and she sees one dark line begin to form. Erwin bought the tests two days ago and she’s been so eager, it’s been a struggle not to take one too soon, and now it feels impossible to peel her eyes away.

“Don’t watch,” Levi says, coming to stand next to her and watch as well. Together, they gasp. The control line darkens and next to it, a second, fainter strip of colour. Is this it, is it going to happen? She feels dizzy thinking about, thinking about a small thing living inside her.

“Three minutes,” Erwin reminds them. He’s using his phone for a timer, so Nana tucks her chin to her chest and goes to him in search of comfort, though Levi stays, stubborn. “Levi. Three minutes.”

“I want to see it happen if it goes away,” Levi murmurs. There’s something in his voice that makes Nana want to cry and she doesn’t know why. She wants it to stay, she wants it to say yes and stay that way. She can’t imagine it changing.

“Anything you see before three minutes is not necessarily the end result,” Erwin chides, looping an arm around Nana’s shoulders as she buries her face in his chest. His hand on her nape soothes with circles and she lets her mind go in the rhythmic comfort. If she keeps thinking about it, she’ll scream. She counts the rotations instead.

The timer goes off and Erwin finally picks up the test. Nana peeks, keeping her face close to his heart.

“Well, look at that,” he murmurs, pulling her tighter against him. He angles the test down and Nana sees that the positive is stronger than it was a few minutes ago. She’s in awe, timid, confused awe, this feels a little unreal.

Levi sniffles and when Nana looks from the test to him, he’s covering his mouth with one hand and crying, wide smile on his face. Whatever uncertainty she harbours for pregnancy is dispelled like the sun clearing away a thunderstorm, slowly and steadily. She knows it’s going to be okay because she wants this as much as him.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if this isn't your thing, you don't have to keep reading, no worries. it's a vent fic but thoughts and comments are welcomed, of course. 
> 
> thank you to all my readers and lurkers. y'all are cool.


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